I suppose it's best that it happened this way. Because now I truly will have a fresh start on January 1. But that doesn't help that fact that I'm sick to my stomach. Sick to my stomach because I feel tricked and I feel like a fool.
Back story: Girl meets guy. They go out to dinner. It's fun. They go out again. It's also fun. Communication ensues. Girl is hopeful. A little time passes and then guy is suddenly in relationship with someone else. End of that story.
Despite my coworkers' advice that I not dwell on this, I cannot help it. I feel so many things and none of them good.
I feel angry. I was led on and lied to. I was honest and I got deception.
I feel sad. I was hopeful that this could be someone I could get close to in the future but instead I'm disappointed. And I'm hurt that I couldn't garner the truth from another human being.
The most painful thing of all is that I'm seeing a serious trend among the male population that I pursue. They like me. But they don't want to date me. Which is ironic because I don't exactly seek the approval of the masses. I'm really just looking for someone to be my other half.
So I'm left wondering what it is about me that makes history repeat itself. What am I missing that should be a warning flag? What is it about me that draws this to me like a moth to a flame?
I know enough to be certain that this will pass and that what I'm feeling is just as much anger as it is pain. Because I know deep down that I didn't deserve this; that's what pisses me off the most.
I don't have much desire to stay up late and watch the Ball drop tonight. It was fun back home with my mom. It was okay counting down last year as we celebrated in Cap Hill. This year? I feel inclined to sleep it away.
Wishing I could run back home to San Diego.
