What a mixed emotions kind of day. Really empowering, university-wide kettlebell event today got the heart racing and definitely led to some team bonding in the office.
But rather than bask in the glow of a Friday evening well deserved, I find myself worrying over a package of sentimental items that has yet to arrive. Now in all fairness, it was 2-3 day shipping and today was the 3rd day. But it's more the irreplaceable contents that has me feeling so angsty. Broncos swag from, among other things, my first trip to Denver. And the Broncos logo that I made in Woodshop. That is without a doubt one-of-a-kind and I desperately want it to arrive in one piece. I try to remind myself that the box is just filled with stuff and that while I might want it, things are only so important. Intangible things are worth far more. So I'm trying to focus on this, trying to tell myself that worrying isn't going to change the whereabouts of the package so I'll just have to hope that it shows up soon.
Because I've got so many other things that I could dwell on instead. Dreaming of a dear friend who alludes to the fact that there could be something more. What the fuck brain? I think it's because I was reading Book 2 of the Hunger Games and the whole "Gale-Peeta-Katniss" triangle must have wormed it's way into my subconscious. But really, that's so distracting. And confusing. And I can't even begin to describe how I feel about it because it's so totally outrageous. And did I mention confusing?
Then, with someone else, I feel like we're walking this very fine line between friendly banter and beating around a very dangerous bush. To be honest I'm really not in a position to be picky when a decently attractive, single male presents himself at my Amazonian feet. Seriously, don't tease a caged animal. But the whole thing just seems so very strange. Because maybe I would go for that (him) if the opportunity arose. Maybe. Assuming it does. Which I kinda hope it doesn't.
I'm so very antisocial these days. It's pretty shameful if it didn't seem like something I liked. I don't want to go out after a long week. I want to go back to my apartment, lock the door, and enjoy the fact that I don't have to wake up at 4:45AM the next morning. So while my social life curled up and died a long time ago, I'm not overly broken up about it's passing. Sure, I wish I wasn't lonely. But I love just curling up with a book and reading the night away.
Which brings me to my final point, since I'm feeling so very wise. I'm beginning to wonder if this is a point in my life where I need to be single. Because I feel as though I'm on the cusp of realizing a great deal about myself if I give myself the opportunity. I'm semi-independent. I don't need anyone to help me pass the time. I've got my main man Rudi for whenever I want to get out and see the world. And I'm finally recognizing that I really don't want someone in my life just for the sake of being in a relationship. That's worked out so well in the past after all. And with each and every end to those relationships, I've added a little more wisdom to my soul. I know what I want a little bit better, I know what I'll never stand for, I know what I deserve, and I know what makes me happy. But that's surely not the end to things.
Amazons can't waste their time on mere mortals. Maybe I have high standards. But maybe society's standards aren't high enough. You want me to settle? Hell no. So up your game and bring me your best. Because I'm cocky enough to know that I should have to settle but humble enough to know that I need to woo you too.
So please form an orderly line and wait your turn. And let me see what society has to offer. But I'm in no rush. You see, I brought a book with me so I'm quite content to wait until the right one comes along.
bis bald.
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